All those guides to healthy living are unanimous. Find a sport you enjoy and exercise routinely. A few years ago I had a life-changing health crisis. I knew it was time to seriously pursue a work-out routine, but to do so was a challenge given the fact that I hate: gyms, team sports, formal dancing, yoga, swimming, fencing (yes, I used to do it), aerobics, and anything involving a hoop or a baton. I resigned myself to a lifetime of power walking, step class, bicycling, and secretive disco dancing.
I then remembered that I used to love to skate. New to town at the time, I quickly checked to see if there was a rink. After several phone calls pestering the staff with anal questions, I excitedly suited up for a Saturday afternoon public session, rented a pair of skates that looked like they’ve seen action since the Eisenhower Administration, and rushed out to the ice.
Oh my crap! I couldn’t move! I was careening out of control. I made it half way round the rink and grabbed the wall for some well-earned rest time. Emboldened by my ability to remain vertical, I pushed off again, determined to regain my former power skating skills.
I charged forward for about 10 feet. Unfortunately my lower body sped away from my upper body, Wile E. Coyote-like. I was in the air. I landed like a boulder, crushing my tailbone. Limbs akimbo, dizzy, and hurting I looked up to see the worried face of a skate guard. He didn’t actually skate over to see if I was okay; I had just temporarily punctured his usual ennui. He gave a little shrug, and then returned to his reverie.
Six weeks later, after my cracked tailbone healed, I popped by the rink to sign up for Group lessons. The skating school teaches an adult class but nobody had signed up, so I would be taking lessons with the children. The kindly Skating Director took my check but I could see her already imagining how to explain the rink’s refund policy. She knew I wouldn’t last two weeks.
Years later Coachie offered her impression of that fateful first meeting: “I knew you were serious because you didn’t mind starting with the kids. Most adults won’t do that. You are unique.”
Nice! Unless by “unique” she really meant “crazy whack job!”
